its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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