So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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