He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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