I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
