Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize