He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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