Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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