you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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