The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
