I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
