You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
