you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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