suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
