I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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