Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
