It's Friday. Sex?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
