Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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