omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
