He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
