i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
