You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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