I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
