I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
