You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
