in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
