Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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