I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
