Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
