its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
