Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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