My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
