i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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