There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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