You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
