This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
