Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
