I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
