His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize