i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
