At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
