3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize