Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
