just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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