my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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