So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
