2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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