Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
