can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
