my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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