when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
