So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
