Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
