I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
