i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
