we made out on top of his cat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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