Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
