Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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