I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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