Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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