is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
