i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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