I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They took my balls.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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