we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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