when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
