Already got asked if we're dating
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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