He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Watching her eat just hurts me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
