in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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