i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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