If that was your dad, he is hot
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
