Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
