the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!