im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.