I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found puke in my bra..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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