Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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