Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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