So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.