Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating