I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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