He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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