I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
