her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
