sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
