Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
