...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
