Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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